


Scouted

by BiggHoggDogg



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Super Smash Brothers, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22028866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiggHoggDogg/pseuds/BiggHoggDogg
Summary: Claude receives an auspicious envelope, but needs some convincing from some familiar faces.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Scouted

Duke Claude von Riegan, head of House Riegan, leader of Fódlan's Leicester Alliance, and secret rightful heir to the throne of Almyra, held the letter between thumb and forefinger, as one might dangle a dead rat by its tail. A messenger owl had deposited it into a private alcove within his office on the Riegan Estate in Derdriu a week ago. He had squinted curiously at the red wax seal (in the shape of a lopsided cross within a circle) before cracking it open and reading the message within. His mouth had tightened into a line as he read, and he had refolded the letter and returned it to the envelope, burying it under a mountain of other correspondence.

“Yes, I read it. Yes, I understood it. For the most part. But you haven't sold me. Not yet.”

He was addressing a trio of strange figures who had appeared all-too-suddenly while he was taking his morning jog along the white-sand beach that bordered his family's ancestral lands. Bare-chested and sweating, he faced them down, distastefully holding the copy of the invitation they'd just presented him with.

“What I'm saying is I need some assurance that this is going to be worth my time. I can't just scurry off to this, this-”

“-pocket dimension at the center of universal consciousness, darling.” piped up the tall (so tall!) woman with glasses, briefly withdrawing a small lollipop from her perfect lips to speak.

“That, yes, thank you. I can't just scurry off there at a moment's notice. Much as I might like to, Fódlan being what it is these days. I've got...” There was a momentary disgusted catch in Claude's voice here. “I've got... responsibilities. Yuck.”

“Is THAT all?” The tall woman laughed merrily and placed one expertly-manicured hand on her hip. “Oh, you sweet boy, do you think you're the ONLY fighter with a kingdom to mind who's ever received one of those invitations?” She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Just ask the Gerudo.”

Claude gave the imposing figure a friendly wave. “Hey there, big man! Say, you sort of remind me of someone I know...”

The orange-haired giant sneered. “I care little. This is a waste of time, witch. There are other candidates to be found on this decadent continent.” He stroked his chin. “I liked the look of that Emperor, for instance...”

“Emperor? Tch. No accounting for taste, I suppose.” Claude had walked back over to where the rest of his clothing and equipment lay and was dressing as they talked. “I mean, sure, she's got a wicked swing with that creepy axe, but she's not the only one who's got a Crest Weapon!” He finished dressing and shouldered Failnaught, turning again to face the trio.

The witch's mouth quirked into a condescending half-smile. “Sorry, dear – who's convincing who here?”

“I'm not angling for the job, I'm just saying. She's... difficult.”

“Whereas you are the picture of cooperation and deference. Listen, boy – whatever occurs within the pocket dimension we're taking you to will take place outside the flow of time. Your responsibilities will all be waiting for you when you get back.” She gave a coy smile. “And you can trust a witch to know something about manipulating the flow of time.”

“Can I? That's nice. I'd like to hear from the little guy, if you don't mind.” Claude turned to address the young man to the witch's left, who looked for all the world like a standard issue human boy, apart from his impressive wingspan. “What's your story? Got a little pegasus somewhere in the family tree?”

The orange-haired giant (Gerudo, the witch had called him) laughed, loudly. The boy blushed. “N-no! No, you can call me Pit, and I'm the most loyal servant of the goddess to ever fly through the air! Nice to meetcha!”

Claude perked up at this. “Goddess? Really?”

Pit puffed up with pride, wings fluttering slightly. “That's right! I'm the captain of her guard and everything!”

“Her guard, huh?” Claude scratched his head. “This goddess, she's... beautiful, right?”

Pit's eyes shimmered. “SO beautiful.”

“And she's got long green hair?”

“BEAUTIFUL green hair!”

“Well, shit. Should I, uh, kneel or something? I'll be honest, I never really paid much attention when they taught us scripture back at Garreg Mach. I must have missed the bit about Sothis having a captain of the guard with pegasus wings.”

Pit frowned. “Sothis? Oh, no, sorry! I serve the Lady Palutena, Goddess of Light!”

Claude blew out a long sigh of relief. “That's good to hear. Is Palutena nice?”

“She's the BEST.”

“How many atrocities would you say she's been responsible for?”

“Very few!”

“I like her already.”

The witch raised a hand, smile somewhat strained. “We're getting off-track, boys.”

Claude gave her his best disarming smile. “Sorry, but it's not every day a man gets to chat with real-life divine messengers, even if they ARE from an out-of-town pantheon.”

She rolled her eyes. “You get used to it, honey.”

“I guess I'll have to take your word for it, like I'm doing with a lot of other stuff you've been saying. You haven't answered my question, by the way – let's say I decide to be a good boy and come with you into this timeless pocket dimension to fight with witches and giants and ambiguously-aged celestial guard captains. Let's say I do that. Why?”

She sighed and crossed her arms (in such a way that Claude was forced to pay close attention to what it did to the rest of her anatomy.) “Everyone has their own reasons.”

The Gerudo spoke. “I came for personal satisfaction. I have had an... ADVERSARIAL relationship with time and the ways in which it can be manipulated. The thought of a timeless oasis outside & above the natural order of things appealed to me.

Well, that, and if one can't find profit in a timeless pocket dimension populated by the most powerful beings throughout all creation, one really isn't trying.”

Claude flipped him a small salute. “I think I misjudged you, big man! That's the most sensible thing I've heard so far.”

Pit piped up. “I came because Lady Palutena was coming! It wouldn't DO for her to be fighting while the captain of her guard sat at home. Even if I DID just buy a lot of games that I was REALLY looking forward to trying out...”

“As for myself,” interjected the witch, “I came because I am who, and what, I am. And because I wanted to, which is the most important reason to do anything.

But really,” she continued, “it's got an appeal all its own. Wouldn't you two agree?”

The Gerudo nodded. “To fight, in the fullest flush of your power, and secure absolute dominance over your foe is something to be savored.”

Pit laughed self-consciously. “I dunno about that 'absolute dominance' stuff, but sometimes I'll be doing really good and the crowd starts chanting my name. It's nice.”

Claude frowned. “Crowd? There are spectators?”

“Yeah! Well, kind of? It's, like... Bayonetta, what'd you call it again?”

She sighed. “We're really getting in the weeds here, darlings. Look, the battles take place within a nexus at the center of all consciousness, intersecting with the totality of all possibility. When great things are achieved within this nexus, consciousness ITSELF takes heed and furnishes the victor with acclaim.”

Claude rubbed his fingers against his temple. “Wait. Consciousness has a consciousness?”

The small smile again. “Of course. How could it NOT, darling?”

“You've got me there.”

“Boy, I really wish Lysithea was here.” Claude was starting to feel a bit adrift. “She was always a lot quicker on the uptake with magical nonsense than I was.”

“If you're lucky, she might be added in as an assist trophy.”

“What?”

“Don't worry about it.”

“I'll try. Look,” said Claude, trying to regain his footing in the conversation, “can I do some kind of, I don't know, trial run? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious, but this is still a pretty big ask.”

The witch (Bayonetta?) pursed her lips. “Not really my call, dear. I'll be honest – most people who get the invitation don't ask this many questions.”

Claude grinned. “It's one of my many failings.”

She thought for a moment. “Tell you what. You come with us and we'll take you straight to the boss to see if he can accommodate you.”

Claude nodded. “The boss? Sure, sounds good to me.” He doubled-checked his clothing, gear, and Failnaught. “I think I'm about as ready as I'll ever be.”

“Come stand over here, then. It's a very simple spell and COMPLETELY painless.”

“I wasn't worried about that last part before you mentioned it, but thanks.” He joined the other three, and Bayonetta began intoning eldritch syllables and making inscrutable hand gestures.

“Psst.” Pit whispered to Claude.

“Mm?”

“Before you meet the boss, you should probably know something so you don't freak out.”

“Okay.”

“He's a giant hand.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

And then they were gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a Secret Santa gift! My recipient was into several characters who have appeared in Smash as well as Claude von Fire Emblem, and things progressed from there. I'll probably revisit this idea when I'm further along with my main FE3H fic because it's a fun little concept.


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